what can i say...one day we're young and we get raised by parents...i had/have great siblings..each of us dynamic..i was always raised in a 2 parent household..there was an interim of time when my father got killed by a drunk driver that there was only 1 parent...my mother couldn't be alone-so she found my lovely stepdad Frank...aka Fritzie..i never appreciated him until he was gone..he was a hard working bugger..he was all military-then he became a weapons inspector for the government at Bath Ironworks.....i didn't know what he stood for til i started raising children..boy did i have a wake-up call if it was to be done right.....he died very suddenly...he was a dickhead every once in a while to me...my brothers drove him crazy..they were lil fuckers themselves..they raised holy hell as youngsters...they got involved in drugs-alcohol-real troubled times..they both cleaned up thier acts and they're both good men...my older sister Sharon is way cool..she is 16 years older than me..i've always had an excellent relationship with her..i used to be her baby-doll when i was little...when she grew up she had good money and she always showered us with fun times...her husband is italian and she opened up my eyes to all sorts of cultural diversities...my little sister lisa went her own way with her marriage and children..we grew apart as this time expanded..she recently had a seperation from her husband and our relationship was evolved to where it always should've been..she has 2 beautiful girls and they are strong young women...they need to continue on their adventure called life and ignore all deviances that get introduced to them...i worry though.......
my dad-frank-raised 15 kids between his 2 marriages and not a one of those kids was his biological child...Amazing man....
he went out for a walk one day and went down...nobody did CPR..in this fucking day and age-nobody did fucking CPR..i'm a nurse and that eats away at me everyday...they all stood over him til the paramedics arrived..they all stood over him for about 22minutes...with his heart tacking away at 250+beats per minute(we had his pacemaker interrogated)..they shocked him and they got him back..but with all the time down he became brain dead...we extubated him after we found out all the sad data..he suffered on for 4 more days..i never left his side..my brother ricky stayed there too..the 2 girls took mom home after we took the tube out and she never saw him again..she did not need to see his sufferage...he died the day before his birthday.
now we all live with the sequella of lsing a daddy-a husband-a grandfather...my mom changed that day...she became an aging-depressed woman...she doesn't really value her existence...she longs to die....she longs to be with frank...
my mom has gotten herself into a medical mess..she lied to me for the last 4 weeks..she didn't tell us how sick she really was..she continued to smoke too..she now can't even sit up longer than 10 minutes...she has gotten herself down to 80lbs as of today..i just wonder if this is her destiny-to struggle for breaths on a daily basis....she can't even stay awake for more than 15 minutes.....it is a tough rode we're on....we are flying home this tuesday to my home...i hope i'm up for this healing....emotional and lung wise...may all my brothers and sisters stand alonside of me....i know they are ............
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