life as a daughter.....

what can i say...one day we're young and we get raised by parents...i had/have great siblings..each of us dynamic..i was always raised in a 2 parent household..there was an interim of time when my father got killed by a drunk driver that there was only 1 parent...my mother couldn't be alone-so she found my lovely stepdad Frank...aka Fritzie..i never appreciated him until he was gone..he was a hard working bugger..he was all military-then he became a weapons inspector for the government at Bath Ironworks.....i didn't know what he stood for til i started raising children..boy did i have a wake-up call if it was to be done right.....he died very suddenly...he was a dickhead every once in a while to me...my brothers drove him crazy..they were lil fuckers themselves..they raised holy hell as youngsters...they got involved in drugs-alcohol-real troubled times..they both cleaned up thier acts and they're both good men...my older sister Sharon is way cool..she is 16 years older than me..i've always had an excellent relationship with her..i used to be her baby-doll when i was little...when she grew up she had good money and she always showered us with fun times...her husband is italian and she opened up my eyes to all sorts of cultural diversities...my little sister lisa went her own way with her marriage and children..we grew apart as this time expanded..she recently had a seperation from her husband and our relationship was evolved to where it always should've been..she has 2 beautiful girls and they are strong young women...they need to continue on their adventure called life and ignore all deviances that get introduced to them...i worry though.......
my dad-frank-raised 15 kids between his 2 marriages and not a one of those kids was his biological child...Amazing man....
he went out for a walk one day and went down...nobody did CPR..in this fucking day and age-nobody did fucking CPR..i'm a nurse and that eats away at me everyday...they all stood over him til the paramedics arrived..they all stood over him for about 22minutes...with his heart tacking away at 250+beats per minute(we had his pacemaker interrogated)..they shocked him and they got him back..but with all the time down he became brain dead...we extubated him after we found out all the sad data..he suffered on for 4 more days..i never left his side..my brother ricky stayed there too..the 2 girls took mom home after we took the tube out and she never saw him again..she did not need to see his sufferage...he died the day before his birthday.
now we all live with the sequella of lsing a daddy-a husband-a grandfather...my mom changed that day...she became an aging-depressed woman...she doesn't really value her existence...she longs to die....she longs to be with frank...
my mom has gotten herself into a medical mess..she lied to me for the last 4 weeks..she didn't tell us how sick she really was..she continued to smoke too..she now can't even sit up longer than 10 minutes...she has gotten herself down to 80lbs as of today..i just wonder if this is her destiny-to struggle for breaths on a daily basis....she can't even stay awake for more than 15 minutes.....it is a tough rode we're on....we are flying home this tuesday to my home...i hope i'm up for this healing....emotional and lung wise...may all my brothers and sisters stand alonside of me....i know they are ............

daily shiyatttttt

morning world....
its ELLEN time..i love that girl..she has the money and she gives it away..does anyone ever fantasize how these celebs live..i sometimes get spacey and start thinking..
i really want to be done with paying for college educations.....#3 is in college just finishing her 1st year..last payment for the year was made 4/1/2010.....
There needs to be time for Pierre and I....by the time theses schools are paid for-we'll have some medical issues and life will change..We have never taken a vacation without our daughters,,,,,,we NEED TO...
I feel much better today..The benadryl makes me so dopey...It is georgeous out today..i plan to work a little in the gardens..I never left the couch yesterday...that is so unlike me..i napped all day long..Me and Fritz..he is the cutest lil dink..I've never loved an animal so......He gets mad at us when we try to move him after he's fallen asleep on the couch..He is a grumpy lil prick...
We have a boatload of cats..3 cats and 1 kitten Pepe.....loive them all....i should've only had animals-kids are engulfing..Love all three of them-but MAN...what a-wholes they can all be...life is sooooo easy when they are little..i can't believe i used to say "I can't wait til they grow up"...am I for real...what a naive dumbass i was then..my/our three girls have been great..each one of them is a college educated woman..That is something great that I have done that i will take to my grave...to have pushed/and expected my girls to be educated..Kudos to Pierre and I..
About Pierre---i love him more thatn i love myself..i try to get him pissy too..we have been together since i was 16/17 years of age....i only started truly appreciating him in the last 10years..he is a good man who does for all of his 4 girls..he fixes everything-he is fun to hang with..he's like a womans best friend...there isn't anything i've ever asked him for that he hasn't given me...we need our own time..i think thats why the "empty nest" has not hit us. we need to do things for ourselves..he is very unselfish...i-on the other hand-can be selfish..if i want something-boy-o-boy i better get it..i pout-i get bitchy-i am a brat at times....i don't like that about myself....I just want to age and still have fun with my Pepe...
What will i do when one of us gets terminally ill and one of us goes away....that to me puts a pit in my stomach..i have to stop this right now because we don't have that issue=and so why go there..Life is real good..We both work real hard to have the life we have..Pierre works very hard and is always there for me...I am truly in LOVE..hope we stay that way..so far so good..been married 27 years-been with him 29years.........love you Mr Handsome Pants..

Easter Sunday

the weekend is done...so much work for 1 dinner...it was real fun visiting with lil sister and her girls. the largest dog came too..suzie is so gentle -yet large.....she emits tinyness from her personna...we cooked a raging meal between the two of us. all my girls were here except for lacie..she was with nana...my mommason; Q-Tip; the wine-drinkin-chain smokin marlboro lite model of the 2000's...i pick up lacie tomorrow..her cats have been nice to me..they are truly desperate....can't wait to crawl in my brand new king size bed and crash...waiting to hear from lila that she made it home safely.......people scare me....i worry anyway..the worrying doesn't interfere-but i could easily let it if i was weak..i worry about job security even though i'm a nurse..i worry about my baby hailey doing something really stupid and changing her life forever-because of crazy actions....i think about crazy shit when i'm sitting in traffic..i sometimes get freaky when we're at a standstill in traffic that someone from the other opposite lane will jump the guardrail and smash into me head on....i hate being stuck in tunnells-that freaks me...i don't like to come to a halt on a bridge; i can control these thoughts yet i do drift around in thought...i worry about my mom and her ending..i hope i can make it very comfortable for her. i have plans for that period-i just hope i don't break when i realize she is finally gone....i miss my daddy a lot-i don't remember telling him how much he meant to me...i hope he knows.........i try to be a good person and help all that i can..i am judgemental though.....i do try to calm that....i love my animals so much...i wish i could have a household full of them/or a barn load of them.....when its my time-i hope i get rewarded....i have been blessed with a good man-even though he aggravates the shit out of me-and with 3 great daughters.....i'm going to stop bitching and moaning and finish picking up my house........talk soon.......LOU

life-today..

okay then-well people seem to think i may have issues..i feel i live in a world of people that have issues. i-on the other hand- have minor issues. we live in a world of self righteous-selfish individuals. we all have to coexist-so suck it up and shut it...lil sister and her 2 girls are here..also along with them is the worlds largest/furriest human..her name is suzie. we have major plans to hang-relax-cook-and visit. i have a surprise for the family..no one knows yet except myself......lacie is at my mommas house in florida..she is getting a raging tan-i hear..Gillian is working..her room is like a farm stand-but they say i have to get beyond it.
Hailey is home-verbally running the house..my buddy Frtizie is resting on the couch....life is good...the girls all brought their bikes and we plan to have some fun..everyone looks well...peace out people......LOU

life-today..